The Secrets of Mistakes: Why Hiding Them Hurts More Than Making Them

I was watching a TV show this weekend when a storyline struck me deeply. A character realized they had made a mistake, but instead of telling anyone, they chose to keep it to themselves. At first, it seemed manageable. But later in the episode, the consequences of the mistake began to unravel. Still, the character stayed silent. They couldn’t confess because doing so would have revealed they were the ones at fault, and the fear of blame, judgment, or punishment became more powerful than the truth.

This is what happens when mistakes become secrets.

We’ve all been there. We forget the negative sign in a math problem or misread an instruction. Maybe the mistake only affects our grade on a quiz. But other times, the impact is bigger. I remember in chemistry class learning how critical it was to add acid to water, not the other way around, because doing it wrong could result in a dangerous reaction and serious injury. One is a simple error; the other could cause chemical burns. Both are mistakes. But what makes a mistake even more harmful is when we feel like we have to keep it hidden.

When we hide our mistakes, we also hide our ability to learn and grow.

The truth is, we’re often more afraid of the reaction to the mistake than the mistake itself. Especially when there’s the possibility of humiliation, punishment, or shame. But hiding it comes at a cost. Keeping it a secret isolates us. We carry the burden alone. We don’t process it with anyone else. We don’t receive guidance or reassurance. And maybe most importantly, we don’t give others the chance to help us move forward.

This has a ripple effect, especially with kids and teens.

As a parent, I’ve realized that if I don’t acknowledge my own mistakes, I send a message to my children: “Mistakes aren’t allowed here.” That makes it harder for them to come to me when they mess up, which only increases the likelihood they’ll try to fix it alone, or worse, hide it. That secrecy can lead to bigger problems or repeated missteps.

The same applies in the classroom.

If I model perfection, if I pretend I never make mistakes, I send the message that mistakes are failures, not opportunities. Students start hiding their own mistakes. And when mistakes are hidden, learning is lost.

Because mistakes are the most powerful place where learning happens.

We must create environments, at home, in school, in leadership spaces, where mistakes are not just tolerated but welcomed.

Where we say out loud, “I made a mistake, and I’m learning from it.”

Where we teach kids and students how to reflect, take responsibility, and grow.

Because the real mistake isn’t the one we make—it’s the one we never learn from.