Words That Stick: How We Communicate Matters More Than We Think

I was recently listening to an episode of the Vertical Playpen podcast (listen here—truly, every educator and parent should check it out). It was one of those episodes that grabs your heart and gently shakes your assumptions. The message? The things we say and do—especially as adults working with children—can land in ways we never intended and leave a lasting impact.

This isn’t just a theory. I didn’t even realize how much weight my words might carry until I began asking students and adults to share their own school experiences—moments that stuck with them long into adulthood. Once I heard one or two, I couldn’t unhear them. And I started reflecting deeply on my own behavior, my classroom language, and my day-to-day reactions as a teacher.

Here are just a few of the stories that reminded me how powerful—and sometimes painful—communication can be:

The Bathroom Comment That Still Hurts

“I had an issue with an overactive bladder as a child. One day, when I asked to use the bathroom, my teacher gave me a look and said, ‘Aren’t you old enough to know how to hold it?’ I was mortified. The next day, I didn’t ask. I ended up having an accident walking home. I’m 65 now, and I still struggle to use the bathroom in public.”

Hearing this, I thought: Have I ever said something similar, even unintentionally? The truth is, I probably have. Maybe not those exact words, but I’ve let frustration leak into my tone with students who had no idea what emotional state I was in. We’re human, but what we say can form beliefs in our students that linger far beyond our classroom.

The Moment Asking for Help Became “Wrong”

“In first grade, I didn’t understand an assignment. When I asked for help, the teacher responded with: ‘You should have been paying attention.’ From then on, I believed asking questions was bad. Even when I was older and struggling in school, I still avoided asking for help.”

I’ve said things like that too. And yet, I firmly believe that asking for help is a strength. It’s not what we believe internally—it’s what we say and do out loud that matters. Because the meaning lives in the mind of the person hearing it.

So What’s the Takeaway? Awareness is Everything.

We all bring baggage and perspective to every conversation. What we intend to communicate and how our words are received can be two very different things.

But here’s the empowering truth: once we become aware of this gap, we can bridge it.

• We can pause and reflect on how we show up.

• We can take ownership when our words land in ways we didn’t intend.

• We can model repair, accountability, and empathy.

Because communication is a skill, just like leadership and confidence. And like any skill, it’s one we can choose to get better at.

Sarcasm Isn’t Always a Safe Bet

I’ve used sarcasm and teasing in the classroom, thinking I was being funny. But now, when I reflect, I wonder how often my students felt the fun. Was it humor to them, or was it hurt? Even worse—did I accidentally teach them that sarcasm is okay to use with others, even if they don’t understand its impact?

Young people may not yet have the tools to read the room. They learn from us. So if we don’t model healthy communication, how can we expect them to?

Modeling Mistakes is Powerful Leadership

We will mess up. That’s a guarantee. But what matters most is what happens next. Will we take responsibility for our tone, our words, our snap reactions? Or will we move on, never realizing the story we left behind for a student to carry?

One of the most lasting forms of leadership we can offer is modeling what it looks like to make a mistake—and then repair it with integrity.

Let’s Get Better Together

I truly believe we can all improve our communication, because I’ve had to. This podcast was a wake-up call, and I hope you’ll give it a listen. You may be surprised by what you hear, and even more surprised by what it brings up in you.

👉 Take a listen to this episode of the Vertical Playpen podcast and let me know:

What lesson were you reminded of?

What story are you still carrying—and what story do you want your students to carry with them?

Because the way we communicate becomes the legacy we leave behind.